So I had a dream on Sunday night that fresh after watching Graham Jarvis actually take victory in the 2019 Red Bull Hare Scramble live on I went out and won the 2020 version of the world’s original hard enduro. And despite what you might think it was actually really, really easy!

To pull it off all I had to do was bribe Karl Katoch into running the event under FIM/AMA motocross rules and then make it into the top 500 in the Prologue – no problem on a 450cc motocross bike, right?

Next up I had to go for the start but then accidentally get run off the track in the first corner – ‘oh no’, ‘what a disaster’, ‘shucks’ etc etc…


But that’s all part of the plan because this is where I apply the ‘a rider leaving the course may continue the race by properly re-entering the track at the closest safe point to where the rider left the course’ rule and then head straight to the finish and claim the victory.

How is this possible? Well, if any of you have seen me ride Hard Enduro you’d know that I don’t have any of the skills necessary to safely navigate the full circuit and so for me ‘the closest safe point to where the rider left the course’ is after the course itself so therefore I can cut the lot, take home the piece of rock that serves as the trophy and in doing so become the second oldest rider to ever win Erzberg (you’re still that champ G-Force)!

I’ve checked it with my legal representative Lionel Hutz and he said it seems totally legit…

Hopefully you’re all shouting ‘yeah but that’s bullsh*t’ at your screen right now – and if you’re not could you please do so now just to appease me and then apologise to anyone nearby who witnessed your profanity firsthand – because that’s exactly what I yell when I see any MX/SX rider wobble off the track and then re-enter further down it without losing any real time.

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Now I don’t want to be accused of being stuck in the nineties or anything – although I do still drive a J-reg Vauxhall Cavalier and listen to LeAnn Rimes album on my Blaupunkt radio/cassette car stereo (I don’t) – but what’s wrong with re-entering the circuit where you left it and accepting the fact that you made a mistake like we had to back in the good old days? Surely it’s only fair that you suffer the consequences of your actions…

By not doing so it’s almost like crashing and then telling everyone to stop while you get up and sort yourself out. Then when you’re finally ready to go you can just shout ‘carry on’ and the race will continue.

Similarly, got dirt in your eye? Call a time out. Need a midrace poop? You know what to do…

In the case of Adam Cianciarulo at Thunder Valley I agree that he didn’t gain time by running off the track when hunting down Justin Cooper but he didn’t lose what he certainly would have had he stopped, turned around and gone back on where he came off. It’s like his mistake carried no penalty which just ain’t right.

Maybe not as ‘just ain’t right’ as me winning Erzberg but you get the general idea…

Finally, I’d just like to say a huge well done to World Sidecarcross Championship young guns Sam Osbaldiston and Nathan Cooper on scoring a maiden point in their first ever GP.

I remember Sam’s dad Ian who was a bit of a sidecar legend himself on the AMCA scene, and is sadly no longer with us, introducing me to his son a few years back before a Sheffield supercross, I think it was. It was quite a bizarre moment for me as although we’d been in the same AMCA club for a good few years we’d never really got on that great (probably more of an age gap and solo versus sidecar type thing more than anything else) but what was really memorable about that moment for me is that Ian was absolutely proud as punch of his boy – just because – as fathers so often are.

Sam sure as hell doesn’t need me telling him that his dad would’ve been super proud of his French achievements – as there are people within his own team who are far more qualified to do so than me – but a little reminder sure won’t do any harm. Top sidecarcrossing Sam and Nathan – you’ve done each and every one of us British motocross fans proud!

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