I’ve said for a long time that it’s amazing how anyone survives childhood in Australia. Australia is flat-out dangerous.
First off you have the Funnel Web Spider which likes to hide in people’s shoes. One drop of venom from this arachnid can kill an adult human. Then there’s the Bulldog Ant and only 10 stings from Bulldog Ants can kill an adult human – and there are usually swarms of thousands if there are any at all.
In addition, four of the top five most deadly snakes in the world live in Australia – including the Fierce Snake (aka Inland Taipan, number one on the list), Australian Brown Snake (number two), the Taipan Snake (number four) and the Tiger Snake (number five).
And if you’re not killed by some form of venomous or poisonous land animal don’t worry, head into the water and you can run into Box Jellyfish and die or some non-venomous problem animals such as the Saltwater Crocodile or Great White Shark.
And, hell, if none of that kills you they’ve got a giant hole in the ozone above them so skin cancer might get you instead.
Maybe just by surviving childhood in Australia we should’ve known that Chad Reed was going to be fine after probably the craziest crash ever in AMA Motocross.
“It was just crazy,” Reed understated after the race. “I mean, the thought that was going through my head wasn’t good. It was just ‘this is not going to be good, you shouldn’t be in this position’. And then the other side of it is just kind of ‘tuck and roll, go with it, tuck and roll’.'”
So, kids, if you ever find yourself freefalling from four or five stories up, and you want to be just a little bit sore afterward remember to tuck and roll.
Then again, if you didn’t survive Australia as a child it’s probably best that you not find yourself in that position at all. Ever.